When I was a little older than North West is now, my friend had a birthday party at one of those kiddie salons where they do little girls’ makeup, hair, and let them play super model or princess. The party was hosted by one of my white friends, everyone invited was white (except me), and all of the girls working at the salon were also white. My mom didn’t realize it at the time, but something just had to go wrong.
After everyone was finished getting their makeup done it was time for us to move over to the hair salon station. Immediately, all the other little girls started requesting braids and barrettes and all kinds of pretty things for their hair and naturally, I wanted all of those things as well. However, my hair was done up to perfection in two neat little puffs. The employees saw my “curly” hair as an obstacle, something that made making sure I had a good time at the party an obstacle. So when they told me that I couldn’t get a nice french braid or use the pretend curling wand I got really upset. It wasn’t fair that all the little girls with straight blonde hair could get braids but I had to settle for a few flower ribbons in my puffs.
For me, that was when I learned that people whose job it was to know how to style hair and makeup didn’t have to know how to style my hair and my makeup because it would make their job too hard. These women had obviously never encountered black hair before and that’s understandable but, it was their job to style each and every little girl’s hair in that room and they completely avoided mine because they thought it was too difficult. That’s no different than makeup artists not carrying makeup in darker shades or not knowing what colors look good on people of color. It’s lazy and they’re not doing their job to the fullest.
It’s not unusual for parents to be really bad at doing their kids’ hair or getting them dressed but when you’re a non-black person with a child who has black parentage, there are things that you need to understand BEFORE you go on national T.V. and whine about how hard your daughter’s hair is because it’s “curly”. Kim Kardashian recently admitted to having trouble with her daughter’s hair on an episode of KUWTK in a way that promoted some pretty negative stereotypes about black hair. North West has beautiful curly hair and contrary to belief, curly hair is very versatile– even curly hair with African-American roots. When I was younger my hair was in french braids 80% of the time because it kept easily, especially when I was running around outside. Black parents depend on braids for their little girls and boys’ hair because of how quick the style is and how easy it is to manage. So, to hear Kim complain that she can only get her daughter’s hair into a bun or a ponytail when she wants “Elsa braids” is an insult to the thousands of braids my own mother put in my hair when I was a kid. She might not have meant to, but Kim encouraged the idea that black hair is wild and unapproachable. She validated those women at that party’s excuses for not doing my hair.
But, Kim did something that, as a black girl with REALLY curly hair, I can appreciate. Instead of hiring a stylist to do North’s hair for her, Kim went to one of the most well-known black stylists and asked her for help. Obviously, Kim acknowledges that both her children are half-black– that’s not the issue. And obviously she is willing to put in the work it takes to raise two intelligent, happy half-black children. The problem, however, is that Kim needs to learn what stereotypes exist about things such as black hair and black bodies before she accidentally validates those stereotypes again on national television. She didn’t neglect her child’s hair or the responsibilities she has as a mother but she needs to be careful about what she says and how she says it. Even though she didn’t mean it that way (I hope), there are people that many black men and women have met that do.
