There are moments in your life where you feel as though you are loved, and you are needed. That your friends, they laugh more around you. And their laughter is whole, beautiful, exuberant. The words they poetically recite to you are perceived by you as loving and as a sign of friendship. You feel as though your loved one’s eyes light up in your presence and your heart explodes; because that’s all you really want. To love and to be loved. Because you never really loved yourself.
But then, you begin to look closely at the smiles, and the bright eyes; it is at this moment that an earth shattering truth comes to the surface.
You slowly, slowly drag down the lens you have been using to watch your loved ones, and you realize it was never clear. Instead, it was foggy, clouded by your hopes and delusions of being wanted, being needed.
And now, with a clean lens you see the strained smile you once interpreted as genuine and wholesome. You notice that the spirited and lively eyes were actually lit with amusement, not adoration. And you hear the forcefulness behind the laughter that is no longer beautiful, and the mocking tone behind the ‘poetic’ words that are no longer heartwarming, but embarrassing.
You expect this to have more of an affect on you. But deep down, you always knew your lens was faulty.
You then turn the new, clear lens on yourself in the mirror and see something you had not seen before. Something the fog had distorted to deceive you. You smile and you laugh at your reflection. And you see that your smile reaches your eyes, and your laughter is extraordinarily beautiful. And real.
You love yourself, and that is the only love you truly need.
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