We live in a society where appearances are everything. Whether that be your physical appearance, or other people’s perceptions of you. As superficial as it is, we all take note of first impressions. It’s instinctual for us as humans, to make observations of those around us and deduce judgements based on that. Further, we take note of the initial feelings or ‘gut instincts’ we derive from a tone of voice, behavior and actions of individuals. Because of this, we have evolved to become hyper-aware of the opinions others formulate about us. This self-consciousness created a blanket concealing in society of feelings like pride and confidence to avoid appearing overconfident, self-absorbed and cocky. As a result, we have a millennial generation that has been taught it is “polite” to reject compliments, devalue achievements and show little self-love for one’s physical appearance – all in an effort to show modesty flowing out of all your crevices. Obviously this behavior is ingrained in us through our teenage years when high school brings more opportunities to develop, achieve and fail, and the more we achieve, the less pride we feel.
It triggers us to question our accomplishments, doubt ourselves, tell ourselves not to try or dream bigger because we’re just not that good.
Only recently I have been saying “thank you” to compliments instead of “oh but what about you?” or “I don’t know how I did so well, my work wasn’t great”. Here’s the catch, I only struggled with accepting compliments and showing pride for my physical appearance or academic achievement. If I try pottery for the first time, and I make a damn good vase, I’m going to shout it from the rooftops. Because it’s irrelevant to society’s superficial focuses. There are little positive or negative correlations to being a good potter. You just make a great vase. But if I meet society’s beauty standards, and I love my little body, expressing that is like a slap in the face to those who aspire to have what I have. No one cares if you can make a great vase, they can buy one. But if you have high grades, or a high income, or a thin body (whatever it is that others want and can’t have) and you love yourself for that, and are proud of your achievements, you’re automatically seen as cocky and boastful. In some weird, twisted evolution of society it might actually be better to be the worst at something than be the best, and how messed up is that? It might actually be easier to take failure in your stride than take pride in being number one. If you fail and you are open about it, you’re an honest, down to earth individual, mature beyond your years, what a sport! But if you succeed and are open about it, you’re rubbing it in everyone else’s face, ignorant and inconsiderate, shame on you! And it’s not even your fault, it’s because everyone else is jealous of your success and it’s much easier to dump that on you (the shining star in their eyes) than to reflect on their own failures.
If you’re reading this and you know you’re guilty of thinking this way, then I ask you this. Say “thank you” next time someone pays you a compliment. Because you are fantastic and we both know it. And when that little voice comes into your head as you begin to loathe the bright light in your eyes that is the rightfully proud person in front of you – tell it to f*** off, because you know better. When you really think about it, there is no logic behind the idea that self-confidence and pride are negative attributes, it’s important to love yourself. If you can’t recognize your positive features and achievements, then how are you supposed to set new goals? Grow new aspirations? We can’t move forward until we accept that we’ve come this far.
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