During a recent shopping trip with my 13-year-old cousin in Forever 21, a store known for its overwhelming selection of clothes, but known to me as a store with a pretty reliable and nice plus size section, I expressed my frustration because the plus size section was shoved in the corner of the large store with a part of it was in a tiny space next to the elevator and wall. She asked me why the section was like that and I responded, “well, because stores hate fat people,” without even thinking. She replied to me, “Ana, you’re beautiful.” I was befuddled and told her that I didn’t say I wasn’t beautiful but left it at that. It wasn’t time for a lesson on how fat didn’t equate to beautiful, but it should’ve been.
Most people don’t actually understand what fat people go through on a daily basis, and how harmful it is to hear microaggressions, to experience discrimination from stores, and to feel the years of bullying culminate into doubts about your own self-worth.
It’s difficult to be fat, but there are things that skinny people can do to stop perpetuating the harmful environments that fat people live in.
1. Stop pretending to be on our side, and then saying that you’re getting fat:
This may seem like a confusing request, but rest assured, it’s simple. Many fat allies will go to great lengths to ensure that they know that YOU being fat is not a bad thing, and that you are still beautiful, and that it’s so awful that you’re treated poorly by society. However, that’s the catch- it’s completely fine when it’s YOU who’s fat. The second they feel like they’ve eaten too much, or are a little bloated, the “perfect fat ally” is condemning the idea of being fat as the worst thing to ever happen to them, which isn’t okay, and negates any affirmations made to fat people.
2. Don’t compare your clothing struggles to ours:
“I haaaate shopping, ohmygod, all of the clothes are SO baggy!” No. No, no, no. While I’m sure that you not being able to get that one beautiful dress in your size, is devastating, I can assure you that only being able to shop at 5 clothing stores that carry your size completely outweighs that struggle. So save the baggy clothing sob story for someone who doesn’t rely on a minuscule number of retailers to have the right size, affordability, and style.
3. Don’t equate fat to beautiful:
Like my younger cousin, many people are still guilty of confusing fat with beautiful. Word of advice- don’t do it anymore. If a fat person says “I’m fat,” there should be no discrepancy in their meaning. You shouldn’t respond with- “no, you’re beautiful!” because in no way did they doubt their beauty. Beauty is not synonymous with thinness, nor antonymous with fatness.
4. Learn how to respond when someone calls themselves fat:
Stating rule number three would be pretty unconstructive without helpful hints on how to respond when someone says they’re fat, but it is a bit of a touch-and-go type situation. When someone says that they are fat, pay attention to the context in which they are describing such. Sometimes, yes, they are looking for compliments, sometimes they are looking for affirmation that it changes nothing about them. A lot of times it might just be helpful to say, “okay, well, how do you feel about that?” The best thing to do when a fat person calls themselves fat is to hear them out- a lot of times our struggles are invalidated, or ignored, and we just need a good listener.
5. Understand fatphobia, and why it is so harmful:
Fatphobia is complex, difficult, and no matter what plus size movements exist, will probably not go away for a while. There isn’t enough representation and normalization for all fat women, especially, to feel comfortable in their own skin, and for that, people everywhere should be taking the time to understand how real and multifaceted fatphobia in today’s society is. Fat people are still learning to love themselves and be confident in their own skin, like many marginalized groups without proper representation. Give them time to understand and determine for themselves how being fat will define them- if it will at all. For some people, it’s hard to even say the word “fat,” without cringing, but others are able to wear what they want, when they want, without a doubt. Let fat people be who they are, and if you’re thin, don’t take the privilege you have for granted.
