‘Love’ is a complex subject because in fact – it could be said that love has no true definition. ‘Love’ could be written about by every single individual on this earth and each piece would most likely reflect different ideas on what it is. Falling in love, at any age, but particularly at a young age can be confusing. It can be confusing because the only image of love that we are fed from our youth is the positive side of it. We grow up watching films that feed us this notion of ‘happily ever after,’ the key word being ‘happily.’ When, in my personal experience, ‘love’ has always been integral to jealousy, frustration, sadness, compromise, and pain. The problem is, the natural pains that are coupled with love are not often spoken about. It could be said that certain arts – particularly songs, generalize ‘love’ as a beginning and an end: first sight and broken heart phase. Even Shakespeare was fed up and could not simply phrase what it is like to be in love (“No song should encompass it.”)
It is a personal view of mine that there are no jolts of beginning and end in ‘love;’ there is, instead, an inconsistent motion, like the fairground ride of the ‘Teacups.’ It must be acknowledged that no matter how much you feel that ache in your chest and/or a nauseous stomach – it may not feel like you are fully in control when you fall in love, but you do have access to stop the wheel or at least ease the spinning. When you first fall in love with somebody and you’re lucky enough for it not to be unrequited, communication and staying present in the moment might ease the pains that commence when one falls in love. It’s important to acknowledge in a fresh, new, first love that it is also okay to ache and that this is only natural, so long as you are not being emotionally manipulated in any shape or form, or physically hurt by the one you are with.
How do you know if you’re in love with somebody, though? My mother has always asked me, “if they walked out of the door and never came back would you feel upset or would you eventually get over it?” whenever I asked these types of questions. However, on reflection, this is a broad question when it comes to ‘love’ and knowing when one has fallen in love. After all, if anybody who one had an attachment to just walked out and never came back, there would always be this lingering wonder existing and always questioning why one left.
Stendhal in his novel ‘Love‘ (1957) which accounts Stendhal’s own personal philosophies on love, in my view, put the process of falling in love very simply into understanding. He labeled the process of ‘crystallization,’ which comes in two parts. The first part is when you believe that person is perfect; you wish you were sharing that moment with the one you love. In between the first and second ‘crystallization,’ there is doubt of love out of fear that there might be a lack of love from the other person. This is an integral part of the second movement of ‘crystallization’ where one may realize that there may be no other person to fulfil ones’ desires than the being the one who you are in love with.
In turn, perhaps being in love with someone means that to yourself, there is nobody else and you will go beyond any means to keep them happy and safe. There will be heartache – though this is only natural. The aches, in a healthy and natural relationship, are mostly counter-acted by the good things in the relationship. If anything, these intensify the aches at times, though communication is key or else resentments may surface. Love can be overwhelming, but a good kind of overwhelming and even if it ends unfortunately, it is always something you can learn and grow upon feeling it.
However, if you are unlucky enough to have your first love be unrequited – I suggest you still communicate, but with others (if you feel you can). Or atleast write it down and then burn it. Spend more time with friends. Better yourself – study hard. Focus on yourself and your future. Love is good, though do not constantly over romanticise an unreciprocated first love for it will manifest into great aches over an idea; it is unhealthy for both you, and the one you are in love with. Cut them off or accept it, acknowledge the feeling for what it is and move on.
Love is a good, one of the rewarding parts of being alive. It makes you see the world much more brighter than you saw it before – so good that there are too many cliches about it to the extent where I cannot think of an inspirational, unique conclusion for this piece. Just don’t be afraid to feel it. You’re not weak if you feel, love is rewarding. Loving is a strength. I sincerely wish you luck with your first love.
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