The relationship between gay men and straight men is undoubtedly a complicated one, ridden with homophobia, discomfort, and of course, latent homosexuality.
For gay men, when we come out we notice a visible shift in the attitudes and behavior of the straight men around us. Many become uncomfortable around us, reiterating their heterosexuality and warning us not to hit on them. Some turn violent and hostile, so much so that 9 out of 10 LGBT teens report having been bullied at school. Others are supportive, but begin to treat us different nonetheless, failing to see us as anything more than our sexuality. What do they all have in common though? They very well might attempt to exploit a gay man for sex, while simultaneously denouncing the sexuality that they are engaging in.
In a national survey conducted by the CDC, researchers found that 2.3% of straight-identifying men had engaged in gay sex. This may seem like a small percentage, but considering that it was drawn from a 9,000 person sample and the fact that many straight-identifying men would feel uncomfortable admitting they had tried gay sex, the number actually becomes quite significant. In fact most gay or bisexual men will tell you that at some point in their life they have been solicited for sex by a straight-identifying man.
So if all these men are straight, why are they having sex with other men? Psychology Today argues that “For straight men who have sex with men, same-sex encounters aren’t about romance or sexual attraction and desire, but about sexual and physiological arousal-“getting off” with another who’s male and accessible.” So supposedly sex with men comes without all the strings attached that sex with a woman would.
Others claim that this type of behavior is parallel to the loose sexuality displayed by many straight women throughout their adolescence and early adulthood. In New York Magazine Jesse Singal explains the double standard that “When straight women hook up with other straight women, no real explanation is required; when straight men hook up with other straight men, it’s a different story.” So essentially a lot of the sex between “straight” men amounts to nothing more than carefree experimentation or fluid sexuality.
However the prevailing theory about why straight men have sex with men tends to be that they are closeted or in denial, and living with internalized homophobia. While this can’t be the truth for every case, it is significant to note that according to a study done by The New York Times, 5% of American men are gay, however 1/10th of these men are closeted.
But regardless of their reasoning, why do these men who engage in sex with other men so often turn out to be homophobic?
In her book, Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men, Jane Ward browses through Craigslist ads for “casual encounters” to see the type of language used by straight men looking to hook up with other men. An example from her book is shown below.
Seeking a MASCULINE JACK OFF BUD to STR8 PORN — 29. Hot masculine white dude here … looking for another hot white dude to come by my place, and work out a hot load side by side. Straight Porn only. Prefer str8, surfer, etc. Not usually into gaydudes.
Ward notes that this type of hyperhetero language is very common in sex solicitations between straight males and serves to reinforce both their masculinity and heterosexuality.
“The ads posted by these straight dudes include just a lot of homophobia. There’s a lot of “I hate fags,” and there’s also a lot of focus on how they’re going to talk about women. They’re going to watch straight porn. Some of them say that they’re going to act out a rape fantasy or talk about a gang bang.”
So not only is homophobia evident within these men, but also large amounts of misogyny and racism. All qualities that are heavily steeped in the social stigma of white masculinity that comfort these men and help them feel justified in the sexual acts that they intend to perform.
So maybe the question should not be “Are these men really gay or not?” but instead, “Why do these men think that being gay is such a terrible thing to be?”
