- Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
I tend to avoid doing anything that puts me in a position where I will receive criticism. I even avoided writing this in fear of it not being accepted or someone reading this as “why is she writing this? no one cares.” Peer review in my high school classes were a nightmare and continue to be in college. Any signs of disapproval or rejection can cause my self esteem to take a major blow. I don’t like applying for jobs, entering contests, or virtually anything that will let me down and I will feel rejected. I also tend to let other people take the lead even when I know what I am talking about in group projects.
- Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
I do not like meeting new people, it terrifies me. I can look at people and say “they won’t like me” but look at another group with the thought they might like me. However, unless someone initiates the conversation first, I won’t say anything. When others initiate the conversation, it is only then that I feel somewhat comfortable speaking however I still choose my word carefully in fear that they’ll suddenly dislike me over something I’ve said.
- Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed
I tend to run from romantic relationships or even newer friendships. The thought of being both emotionally and physically intimate makes me uncomfortable and a feeling of anxiety. At times I long for closeness, whether it is physical or emotional, but I’m terrified of it. I feel as though others will view my feelings as ‘stupid’ or even my interests so I tend to keep them to myself.
- Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations
I do not initiate conversations, generally speaking. I am very quiet and reserved and don’t like to speak. My first thought is “they’re not going to like me” before I even talk to people. I am preoccupied with thoughts of being unliked and unless someone verbally tells me that they like me, I’ll assume they dislike me. Even the smallest thing can make me feel rejected and I will shut off and not speak. These signs of rejection make me feel as though others do not like me and I feel socially inept. It is very hard for me to make friends and even when I do, I cling onto the ones that I have made even if I want to make new ones.
- Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
Starting college was not easy for me. The first few months I was depressed because I was in a setting where I didn’t know anybody. I also wasn’t speaking to anybody and I thought in college things would be different and easier, but they weren’t. I wanted to talk to people, but I didn’t feel good enough. I felt as though I would bother people and be a nuisance.
- Views themselves as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others
Generally speaking, I don’t see why other people would want to talk to me. I feel very socially awkward even in reading social cues. I tend to laugh when others laugh and smile when they smile, other wise I’m blank faced. I’m very restrictive in showing facial expressions because I’m not sure if my reactions are appropriate so I tend to wait for others to have it first. I tend to be very stiff and unable to relax in social situations, generally feeling safe to move when the other person does.
- Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing
I would like to start new things, as a concept yes, but realistically it is very difficult for me. Being placed in a new situation makes me extremely comfortable. I feel safer however when I’m with someone I view as a safe person.
