Who taught us to hate ourselves? Society and social media? Our peers? Ourselves? Somewhere along the line, we were taught that having skin darker than a paper bag was a sin, and we were reminded of our ‘transgression’ by nearly everyone, whether they look like us or not.
The thing is, there’s a pattern. It’s not a coincidence that the 8-year-old Black girl cries herself to sleep at night because she was made fun of for “being too dark”. It’s not a coincidence that the 12-year-old black girl is insecure because her peers keep tugging at her hair. It’s not a coincidence that the 16-year-old black girl gets made fun of by boys everytime she walks into school because she is considered “ugly”, due to the complexion of her pigment. We are taught and conditioned to hate ourselves, and this conditioning is sadly encouraged by the very people that look just like us.
“When you sit back and listen within your environment and observe what is said daily about women of color, mainly the women of color that are considered to be ‘dark-skinned’, you begin to key in on the hate that slowly morphs into self-deprecation.”
How is it that as a Black woman we have to obtain our confidence through trials and tribulations? Of course, that’s not a bad thing, but most can barely regain their security when the storm of daily tribulations and hassles finally settles. It’s no secret that when having a darker skin tone, you’re seen as less desirable than those with a lighter complexion, it’s something that’s noticed at a very early age. When most women are taught to expect marriage, it is common to have a desire to be yearned for, and it hurts that much more when this desire is unrequited. Recently a report showed that Black women have been deemed the most undesirable when it came to online dating.
The stereotypes that come with being a woman and having brown skin are endless. Angry, Aggressive, Masculine, Ugly, Loud, Ghetto, Rude, and etc, all alone are stereotypes cast upon Black women, that are outdated and uncalled for. We are among one of the most oppressed groups in America, combine this with these stereotypes that were forced upon us and they wonder why Black women are upset- as if we don’t have the right to be.
When you sit back and listen within your environment and observe what is said daily about women of color, mainly the women of color that are considered to be ‘dark-skinned’, you begin to key in on the hate that slowly morphs into self-deprecation. The very term, ‘dark skinned’ is considered to be ‘ugly’; girls notice at a young age that the ‘light skin’ complexion is preferred and that the pigment of your skin very much dictates the amount of confidence society allows you to have and how often a man will look your way.
“Instead of ripping each other off their pedestals, we need to lift each other back onto them.”
Black women need to understand that approval from society is nothing if we don’t have the approval from ourselves. It’s time for Black women to start putting themselves first, and to know that it is okay to build a throne for themselves, placing themselves above anyone or anything else. It’s the first step to security, which is acceptance. The color of your skin doesn’t define your beauty; instead of ripping each other off their pedestals, we need to lift each other back onto them.
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