You would be hard pressed to find a friend of mine who is not very socially and politically conscious. Though, in spite of that, some of them approach activism warily- whether that be because of their privilege or problematic behaviors exhibited in the past- with which I can (somewhat) sympathize. Although I am a young trans-woman, I am not without mistakes, and nor am I without privilege. So how do we effectively recognize that we have made mistakes, learn from them, and move forward from them in this incredibly turbulent socio-political atmosphere? To be clear: The proper approach to problematic behavior (past or present) is not something that can be quantified or made into a perfectly applicable formulaic guide- Context always dictates the situation. However, seeing as not only my friends, but also celebrities are seeming to struggle with finding a prudent way to address their mistakes, some guide, albeit vague, seems in order.
Step 1: Recognize that you cannot ‘take back’ what you have said or done that is problematic- no matter how bad you feel about it.
This is self explanatory. What you have done in the past, especially over the internet, is permanent. Although this may discourage you, dually recognize that your guilt actually becomes the foundation for which you build your new ethos off of. In other words, the fact that you regret what you have done means you do not stand by your old sentiments and actions, and you are therefore ready for self-improvement.
Step 2: Educate yourself on the demographic you targeted.
The next logical step in learning from your mistakes, is to actually learn! Become well versed. This is not only for you to better appreciate the extent of what you did and why it was wrong, but also to reach a closer understanding of the historical struggles and difficulties these people have faced. Read their literature, read about their important figures, read about their movements- It’ll be to your benefit when have to have critical, thoughtful and productive conversations with these people.
Step 3: Do NOT take total agency in conversation.
This is incredibly important to note after Step 2. Although you are (hopefully) now educated, do not assume you know better than the people you have wronged. Remember- You are the one who has made the mistake- these people are being patient and forgiving in talking to you. You need to be just as patient as they are. Moreover, you need to be flexible, and eager to learn more from them- Realize that your reading, although a good starting point, does not fully encapsulate the varied, modern difficulties these people face, and as such you need to be sensitive and receptive in conversation.
Step 4. Try to involve yourself in relevant activist groups/events.
After you have educated yourself, and learned how to properly engage conversations from your position, you now are ready to exhibit your self-started improvements. Donate (if you can), go to demonstrations (if you can), and speak with others who are in the same place as you were. You carry with you experiences that are helpful to many who remain silent because of their own fears and guilt- You are proof that prejudices can be broken and problematic behaviors abandoned. And finally,
Step 5. Keep at it.
Always remember to check yourself and be mindful of the mistakes you have made, but, by the same token, do not deny yourself the progress you are making moving forward. Your follow through is the most important part- So use your experiences as a means of progress, for no one with a truly good heart is irrevocable.
