With recent events surrounding university intertwined with the ever growing ‘rape culture,’ I thought about being prepared for my freshman year. However I truly never thought anything would happen to me or any of my friends, purely because we seemed to have moved into a vibrant, friendly and student orientated city.
In New Zealand universities, the first week is called O-Week, or orientation week, which essentially pivots singularly around the activity of drinking. For most of the week, we attended concerts and went out to town every night in groups no smaller than three. Everything went smoothly and we were careful. I met amazing people never ceased to have fun.
In the last part of the week, I had just got back to my student hall of residence when I got a hysterical call from one of my new friends. She said that she was alone, someone had “followed her, and was being creepy,” and that I had to come and get her “right now, please!” I kept asking her if she was okay, and she would just tell me to hurry.
I ran all the way back into town and to the club she had been in where I found her sitting outside with a group of girls and a bouncer. Her makeup was smudged over her face and clothes, she was crying and fell into my arms as soon as she saw me. She was terrified, she couldn’t even tell me what happened and she was rapidly losing memory of what had happened.
One of the girls that helped her pulled me aside and told me what happened. She had been sexually assaulted by a man in the club, and then I knew that she wasn’t, and wouldn’t be okay. The girl also told me to tell one of the officials in my hall as soon as we got home.
I bundled my friend into a taxi and we picked up one of her best friends on the way home. They sat in the backseat hugging each other and crying as I repetitively told the taxi driver to hurry, cut corners and take shortcuts.
I sent my friends upstairs to their rooms while I paid the taxi driver. He seemed genuinely concerned about my friend’s wellbeing as he questioned, ‘do you mind if I ask what happened to her?’ I pretty much told him that she’d been followed and assaulted in a club while we were out. All of a sudden his demeanor changed. He told me that she seemed like she was ‘overreacting,’ that it she needed to toughen up and that ‘she should just get used to it.’ It was as if he was implying that it was her fault, that it was an excusable act.
I was disgusted, I told him that no one should ever have to get used to sexual assault. I slammed the door and said f*** off. He’d overcharged me for the cab ride but I didn’t want to have to speak to him again.
Rape and sexual assault is a violent act. However, today it has been commonly sexualized. It was because ‘she provoked him,’ or that skirt she was wearing meant ‘she was asking for it.’ Because these acts of violence have been sexualized by society, often the results in court or in social surroundings are far too lenient as they aren’t regarded as acts of violence.
Assault of any form is violence, and this sexualization surrounding rape or any form of sex related assault needs to be stopped. The human body cannot be used as an excuse for any form of abuse, violence or harassment. Violence is violence, and violence of any form must be treated as such. We cannot practice lenience on these sorts of crimes.
97% of rapists will never spend even a single day in jail.
This is a horrifying fact and it is one that must changed. The man who assaulted my friend may never be prosecuted because there are still people out there that think she should ‘just get used to it,’ and that she was ‘overreacting’ to a violent crime.
Please speak up, please continue to protest. Sexualization of these violent crimes must be prevented, and prevention must start now.
