Before I begin, I must state the inherent privileges that I have had in my process of applying to college. I go to a private school in New York where I have access to an incredible team of college counselors. I had the means to receive tutoring for standardized testing. And I was surrounded by people pushing me to do my best and supporting me every step of the way.
While I realize that these privileges have brought me to the place I am today. There are things I wish I had known going into the process, and as someone who has now completed the college process I hope I can give some advice I wish I had received.
To start off, expect your expectations to go down a bit. When I went on my first college tour, I believed I was the right fit for that school and told all of my friends that is where I would end up. I was rejected from that school. But almost a year later, before I received that rejection letter, I knew that school was not the place I wanted to be. From last spring break to about a week ago, my perception of self and my understanding of higher education changed. While I became more self conscious of my extracurriculars and grades, I was able to learn a lot more about why I wanted to pursue a higher education. I learned “what makes me tick.”
One phrase that my college counselor often says is, “Don’t take someone else’s prescription.” Essentially what he had meant was that if one college counselor tells John to take the ACT another time, Alex shouldn’t do so also just because John is. It also means that what someone else’s “thing” is, shouldn’t be anyone else’s. This was one of the hardest parts of the process for me: constantly comparing myself to my peers. I’d see all the community service and public policy work that my peers were doing and I’d think I was coming up short. I would say to myself, “She has this going for her, that’ll get her in.” But as early decisions began to roll out I realized that no matter how high your GPA is or how many hours of Model UN you have dedicated, if the admissions officers do not believe you are the right fit then that is that. This is a double-edged sword, however. The idea of fit and each process being entirely individual and unique allows you to showcase what makes you, you.
Trust that it will work out. There were moments where I doubted myself so much that I was in a constant fog. I fed off of my classmates’ anxieties even when I had found calm moments. It caused me to gossip and think about people in terms of the schools that they did and didn’t get into. I hated myself for thinking in that way, but it became hard when it seemed as though the whole world had gotten into college and I hadn’t. I would tell myself that what was meant to be was meant to be. But I never truly believed my own words until after the process was over. I realized that not getting in early was one of the greatest things to happen for me in terms of college. It lowered my self confidence tremendously, but I know it was the right thing now. Believe in yourself because no one else is going to leave the same footprint as you will wherever you end up.
Surround yourself with people that make you happy. When I was rejected early decision, all of my friends surrounded me and hugged me and told me it would work out. Without this group of people, I would not be in the mentally healthy state that I am today. Whether it was venting about the stress or daydreaming about getting into where we wanted to, I had people to pick me up when I was down. And I did the same for them.
I will not lie the process is a lot and I’m not quite sure how I would’ve mentally prepared myself differently if I had to do it again. But I do know that it is possible to succeed even when it feels like you have failed. Whatever path you take, you are taking it for reason. What is that reason? I do not know. But I do know that that path, however winding and bumpy, will lead you where you are supposed to be.
