When I was in high school, there was a lot of pressure to date. Dating comes with a lot of perks, but also a lot of knowing what you want before you even really know. With the pressure to pick a sexuality while dating, I decided I was a lesbian. I knew I liked girls – and maybe it’s because I fell for one of my best friends in middle school – and I just wasn’t sure if I liked guys. So I decided I’d just choose. It did make me feel good to know before a lot of people really knew.
The years went by, and I was in and out of relationships with a few girls here and there. I graduated high school and moved into college. I started realizing I may also be attracted to guys, or non-binary folk. It really didn’t matter to me. But, everyone from my hometown and my entire family knew my sexuality. (I wasn’t exactly quiet about it.) I was scared to admit to myself I may be something more than the label I put on myself.
It was definitely easier to be gay than to be bisexual or pansexual. I’m not saying this to undermine the struggles of gay and lesbian people. There’s a lot of stigma surrounding the bisexual part of the community. Like if a bisexual girl decides to date a guy, they’re automatically straight and not a part of the gay community. Or if that girl decides to date another girl, then they’re just gay. There’s no room for any other sexualities. We’re put in a box to start with, told to choose when we’re in high school, and whenever we try to stray from the box, we’re just pulled into one of the two boxes again. It’s a never-ending cycle.
I’m more scared now to tell my parents than I was in my junior year of high school. That was easy – I just told them I like girls. How do I explain to them I like people regardless of their gender identity without them thinking it was a “phase”? Even though I’m 19 now, I still depend on them and their support for everything. And telling my parents is just the first step. Soon, I’ll have to tell my entire family again. They’re bound to think it was a phase.
But it wasn’t. I want everyone to know that I am pansexual, and I want them to love me no matter who I date. And lastly, I want everyone to know my sexuality is still valid regardless of who I choose to date.
