I don’t regret much. In fact, I hate the question “what’s your biggest regret?” because I don’t feel that it’s healthy to walk around regretting a bunch of things in life. There’s only one thing I’d say that I regret in life and it’s not living for myself. Between choosing a college I hated, sticking with a major I hated and generally putting the wants of others before the wants of myself, I found myself more lost than ever. Between multiple mental breakdowns, I realized I needed to make some huge life changes, starting with my college experience.
It didn’t start off horrible. Flash back to my junior year of high school: I was so prepared for college. Or so I thought. My high school was always extremely focused on academics. We had college admissions classes twice a week and the college counselors made us have a complete list of schools ready for senior year. I had both in-state and out-of-state schools, my list was far and wide. I was ready and excited, especially as someone who had a less than memorable high school experience; I knew that I needed change. This was about to be my time to shine. Leaving this town and these people, a new fresh experience, a new fresh environment, the possibilities seemed endless.
Those dreams were short lived. Senior year rolled around and that great list became nothing but smoke and ash. The out-of-state schools were no longer an option due to financial issues, or so I was led to believe by others. Guess I’ll never know! It only got worse when I was rejected from my top choice in-state school. I was left to choose between three state schools, and in all honesty, those were all backup choices. I never had plans to attend any of those schools. I was banking so hard on this new opportunity. I was banking so hard on leaving my town, leaving the area of my high school, being as far away as possible from some of the same people I went to school with for 13 years.
At this point I didn’t care at all which of the three schools I attended. I would make the best experience I could out of whatever school I chose. It couldn’t get any worse, right? (Hint: It got worse.)
Freshman year was nothing short of a mess. I went into school as a Business Administration major with a Marketing degree. It wasn’t at all what I wanted to study, I wanted to go into digital media. I wanted to go into blogging, but this school didn’t have that. I had to choose the closest major and I guess that was it. I lived in a dorm with horrible roommates. I switched roommates and realized those roommates weren’t great either. I was joining clubs, organizations, going to events, trying to make friends, I was doing everything.
I was miserable, though. I was extremely unhappy. I was going back to my dorm and crying nightly. The feeling of being in the wrong place was so strong. I had the lowest period in my depression in years my freshman year. My motivation was gone and I could barely drag myself out of bed, I nearly got on academic probation because I was so depressed. I was in a downward spiral. I didn’t think college could have the power to bring me to this spot. But I did. I was in the wrong major, I was at the wrong school. I had to make a decision to fix this, and quick.
As a person who hated change, I exhausted all of my options before deciding to transfer. Sophomore year rolled around and I started the effort to transfer. The thing I loved about college was that I didn’t have to stick with anything I didn’t like. The difference between college and high school is that there are a million schools and I could try to transfer to any of them. I found a school that I instantly fell in love with, location wise and everything. I ended up getting in with multiple scholarships. Things were starting to fall into place, and I was excited to start my journey.
This year, I started my third year of college at my brand new school as a Print and Web Journalism major, minoring in Black Studies. I also realized that on campus living was not for me. I realized that it was amplifying my anxiety, so I chose to forego that option. It hasn’t been perfect, but I’m loving the experience. I’m studying what I love and I enjoy the classes. I enjoy the community on campus. I enjoy the city and being surrounded by everything.
Because I’m studying what I love, I’m also able to further myself in my career options. I’m excited to do whatever I can to further myself. I have motivation because I’m doing what I love.
If I could go back, I wish I would have done two years at a community college before transferring into the school I’m at now, as opposed to going into a four-year university that I knew I wouldn’t like. It would have saved me a lot of money and stress and I think it’s a viable option for students who don’t know what they want to do, want to save money or need to get their GPA up before going to the school they want to attend.
I wish I would have went in undecided, or chose a major related to writing or digital media from the start. All of those wasted years as a business major had no point. I wish I cared more for my mental health early on. I wish I utilized all of the free counseling that colleges offer.
You live and you learn, and I’m loving the path I’m on now.
