Everyone has their own insecurities and their own battles that they face daily. Some may have it worse than others do because of mental health issues, or some may just be having a bad day. Confidence is one of the key things that people seem to lack in different aspects. Whether it’s confidence within yourself, confidence within a talent, or confidence between a situation; you won’t always have that trust.
As a child, I had a larger body in comparison to other girls in my primary school. I was bullied so much because of that, which made me despise my reflection in the mirror.
I couldn’t bear to look at myself because these thoughts were enforced in my head that I will never be good enough for anyone.
I thought that if everyone else around me believed it, then it must be true. “I will never be beautiful, I will never be good enough, and I will never be worth something” were the main thoughts circulating in my head for the entire time I was in primary school. I would hate to see any child think like this because it is one of the most harmful things to a child’s mental health.
Once I entered secondary school, I never forgot my past. I would cry myself to sleep every night, thinking that I will always be the most worthless human being. It was even harder when everyone else around me was “joking” to my face about the same situations. It seemed like the dark cloud, that I was cursed with, was going to last forever. Just through these experiences, I developed mental health problems at the age of 13 years old. 13 was an age where I thought my life was going nowhere, as it was imprinted in my head that I did not deserve to live in this world because I had no purpose whatsoever.
I suddenly was exposed to the part of the internet where everyone was encouraging self-love, self-confidence, and self-care. It was like a whole new world for me. I was especially inspired by model, Barbara Ferreira – also known as barbienox on Instagram and boredbarbara on Twitter. I first saw her when someone retweeted some of her photos from a shoot with a huge brand. Even though “plus sized modeling” existed way before I knew of Barbara Ferreira, I didn’t know how important it was until I realised that I was gaining more confidence in myself just by thinking: if she could be confident in how she looks, then I could do it too.
I was able to find more models that looked like me. It makes me emotional to think about the fact that these girls are prospering in an industry that is known to exclude those of a different dress size than what they see as “normal” for a human being. Finding out about these models was a milestone in my life. Not only did I find people to look up to, but I also started to love myself. I started to care less about what other people thought, and I started to fully believe that I didn’t need anyone’s validation in order to feel confident in my own skin.
To conclude: I am beautiful and no one can tell me otherwise.
