co-written by Verónica Dávila, Tobe Obiaya and Mikayla Bruendl
I’m bicurious…Should I kiss a girl to find out if I’m actually bisexual?
Before discussing bisexuality, sexual orientations, and the self-analysis both entail, the term “bicurious” must be defined. The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines the word as “characterized by an openness to, or curiosity about, having sexual relations with a person whose sex differs from that of one’s usual sexual partners”. Usually, this term is used as an umbrella of sorts during the process of self-labelling.
Bisexuality has a lot of definitions too. However, one that I’ve found that works can be found on Colorado State University’s Pride Resource Center; it states: “Bisexuals are people who are attracted to more than one sex.”
As a hopeless romantic, I would love to tell you that yes, a kiss will answer any and all doubts you may have. However, I can’t. When it comes to sexual orientation, a simple kiss won’t always be the answer. In fact, it may actually produce more questions than you originally had. Everybody is different and some may need different forms of confirmation than others.
So, how do you figure it all out? How can you tell if you’re bicurious, bisexual, or wherever you may fit on the spectrum? Should you just kiss a girl? Experiment a bit? What can you do?
Research. When it comes to sexual orientation, we tend to try to fit ourselves into molds. As if it were as easy as checking off boxes to find a category. The truth of the matter is: sometimes it is, but sometimes it’s not. Both are equally valid. Try looking up guides such as the Kinsey Scale. First introduced in 1948 by Drs. Alfred Kinsey, Wardell Pomeroy, and Clyde Martin, this scale was designed to better understand the basics of human sexuality by assigning heterosexuality and homosexuality on opposite sides of the scale.
Additionally, look for support. One of the best ways to understand who you are, is to start by finding people whom you think are like you. This world is enormous. Millions of people struggle with similar, if not the same, issues regarding their sexualities. Bonding might not necessarily mean you’ll figure it all out quickly, but I can guarantee that it’ll make your self-discovery feel less lonely.
You don’t need to kiss a girl to validate how you feel.
Sexuality is a complex concept, and as stated before, there are many other ways that may help you figure out where you stand. Lots of people discover their sexuality without ever sexually interacting with whatever sex/gender they are curious about. Kissing a girl or otherwise coming into sexual contact with girls is not necessary for you to be able to call yourself bisexual or whatever label you feel fits you; only you can decide when a label fits you, so you deserve to take your time figuring it all out.
You should never feel rushed or forced to decide where you fall, because at the end of the day, your journey to understanding yourself is unique to you and should not be compared to that of others. Take your time to really know yourself and what you are into; then, when you are ready, you can take steps towards confirming what you think. Once you are confident in yourself and who you are, kissing or not kissing a girl is marginal when compared to what you know about yourself.
You don’t have to feel pressure when it comes to finding a label that best describes you. While labels can be empowering and help someone feel a sense of belonging, they are not necessary for understanding your identity. When someone is curious about relationships with the opposite of their usual sexual preference it can sometimes freak them out a little. They’ll start worrying about how to classify their sexuality and if there is a possibility one isn’t entirely straight or gay.
In reality, sexual exploration doesn’t need a label, especially if you are still figuring things out. If labels aren’t for you, don’t stress about them, no one ever needs to label something as complex and constantly evolving as their sexual and romantic preferences. Sometimes you just want to experiment or open yourself up to new ideas; it doesn’t need to be considered a direct reflection of your sexual identity.
The first person I ever kissed was a girl, and while I now identify as a bisexual woman, at the time it had little significance to me. It took another year or so before I accepted I was attracted to women and non-binary people, as well as men. When I did come to the realization, it had very little to do with my first kiss because I had no romantic feelings for that person.
Some believe a kiss with the gender they are curious about being attracted to could be a sudden sexual awakening, but my case is example this is not the complete truth. Everyone’s experiences are different, and while I kiss could piece everything together for one person, for me it still left several loose ends.
So if you want to experiment, go ahead, but don’t feel pressured to because it is not necessarily going to give you all the answers. That’s okay, you don’t need a label to reflect your actions while you are still figuring out who you are. If you eventually find a label that empowers you and makes you feel comfortable, use it!
Just know you don’t have to explain yourself and your sexual exploration with a label. If you don’t identify as bisexual, being curious about another gender then the one you are already attracted to doesn’t mean you have to rename your sexuality.
Be honest with yourself, and do what makes you feel comfortable. No one gets to decide how to label you or what your actions mean except for you. Take time to get to know yourself because whether you come to the conclusion you’re bisexual or not, there’s nothing wrong with questioning your sexual preferences.
