[dropcap]I[/dropcap]t’s pretty much an inevitable situation; gay people falling for their straight acquaintance and it has happened to me too many times to know that in most cases, trying to sustain the friendship just can’t seem to work once you realise you’ve caught feelings and it’s hard to escape the thought of this particular person.
Last year, I met someone who I grew to become close with quite quickly. We would do everything together and I would talk about all my feelings and thoughts when I would be going through a rough patch and without judgement, he would listen to me and do his best to help so to actually have someone looking out for me made me feel more than content. I guess that I mistook this compassion for something a little bit deeper, but to begin with I didn’t feel that, I simply saw this person as a friend and nothing more.
Then things drastically changed; I would hear from him less and I felt like I was putting so much effort into nothing which caused me to be unexpectedly short-tempered. I instantly thought “Why is this going on? Why aren’t things how they were? Did I say something? IS IT ME?” but one thing I realised overtime is that people change, quicker than you expect, and in some cases, the friends you have currently are temporary and you sometimes just have to move on. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t get this person out of my mind. I was so fixated on him that I would be losing sleep thinking about what I would say to him if the opportunity ever arose again. The only way I thought I would be able to forget this feeling was to get completely drunk yet it only made me ten times more emotional. I had to face the fact that I was falling in love.
So this led me to contemplate what the next step would be.
Do I admit my feelings or bottle them up completely? Act like everything is completely normal or stay reserved?
I knew fine well that there wasn’t a chance of a relationship happening, the love was purely unrequited so opening up would be a waste of time and would most likely create an awkward vibe, and I couldn’t pretend that everything was ok when such feelings were playing with my mind, plus if I were to carry on as normal, my feelings would only grow more. I opted to cut off contact via social media and not to talk in person either. Sounds drastic but in order to stay sane, that’s what had to be done. Besides, the likelihood of me striking up a face-to-face conversation now is slim, especially when you previously try so hard to talk and get nothing in return, you become somewhat drained and it’s not how you want someone to make you feel anyway. I still think about it though with a slight feeling of anger because it’s not how I wish for things to play out. Everything could all be alright in time but right now, distance is necessary.
To anyone who is enduring something similar to me, my best advice is to acknowledge that a relationship with a straight friend is at most improbable and to not let yourself get trapped in a love that isn’t realistic. If you feel that you can open up to this person, knowing they will understand then by all means, confess your feelings and try to move forward from that but personally, letting go of this person and concentrating on other friendships will be hard to start off with, yet it will pay off in the long term.
