As a person who was diagnosed with autism at the age of 2,I sometimes feel ashamed of it because a lot of people have treated me horribly these past few years (even during my childhood). When I tell people I have autism they start being nice to me? Ridiculous! I can’t be with people who change their behavior when they find out I have something I can’t control. There are some good sides to having autism but I don’t want to be treated differently because I get an extra hour in exams and learning new things fast among many things.
I have made a lot of enemies because of the way I treated people back when I used to be friends with them, I kept forgetting my limits when interacting with people. I say something dumb or something that makes them mad mostly on social media because that’s where I express myself the most. In reality, when i’m in a good mood I can post what I want and not feel bad (unless they’re mistakes) but when i’m not in a good mood or something bad happens to me I start to rage on twitter and people ask me what’s wrong, I start to get rude to them for no reason and tell them to leave me alone, after that they unfollowed or cut me off. One time I started to get serious about suicide and decided to go for it until this girl who used to be my friend called the police and they took me to the hospital, I wasn’t happy at all because I really wanted to die that day so I said to her “Why did you call the police? Don’t talk to me again” after that I blocked her number, she was mad but her being mad made me more mad, I felt stupid for behaving like that to her and thanks to me we’re no longer friends.
I sometimes don’t see myself as human because people don’t also see me as one. My behavior repeats non-stop, If I try something new that will start repeating every hour, minute or second. When you find out your friend has autism do you think they’re special or they’re a nice person with a messed up mind who doesn’t care if they want help?
We’re not special, we’re not important, we’re just human beings who have different mindsets, we’re also not normal and no one is normal regardless what they have or what goes on in their life. Normality is not real and shouldn’t be used against people, there is no meaning behind the word “Normal”. Let people do what they do best and there’s nothing you can do about it unless they want to finally make a change. That’s the case with people like me with autism who go through this because we want to make a change but we don’t know how to because we can’t take ourselves seriously most of the time, that’s how we are and unfortunately it stays that way. I’m not applying this to everyone that’s autistic but a lot of people feel that way and I don’t blame them. It’s like we have another human inside us who is not letting us progress. We have smart minds but uncontrollable behavior.
