“Man up.” “Don’t be a pussy.” “fag.” “Suck it up”. “You run like a girl.” “Boy’s don’t cry.” What message are we really giving boys when they grow up hearing these over and over again?
No one wants to be called weak, especially kids. So when a six-year-old hears “man up” or “boys don’t cry,” or any phrase that tells them they are not supposed to show emotion because of their gender, they will start to bottle up their feelings. After years of hearing the same message, whether boys are conscious of it or not they will hold back tears. They won’t tell their friends or their parents when something is wrong. Because although feelings are a part of being human, society teaches boys that it is not part of being a “man”.
Our society has given a fake meaning to the word “man”. We define a man as someone who is brave, full of muscle, fast, good looking, tall, good at sports, a leader and smart but not in a nerdy way, someone who gets all the girls, and much more. The funniest thing about this is that women can be all of these things (including getting all the girls!). But being a “man” is not defined by these. It is not even defined by having a penis. Being a man is just that: identifying as one. When we tell boys what they should be like to be a man, we push back their true and best selves. If we want a society where everyone is able to live their life and contribute to the world the most and best we can, we must re-define the word “man”.
Intimacy between friends who are boys is not allowed– that would be “gay,” which is not a part of this fake meaning we have given to the word “man”. Gentleness, softness, or sweetness is not allowed either; these traits are considered feminine. To be manly, you should be violent and controlling. Then we excuse violence with sayings like “boys will be boys.” Crying is not allowed because showing emotions is weak; it is for girls. But we cannot pretend that boys are not gentle, are not soft, sweet, emotional, loving of their friends and much more. We cannot push back boys’ true selves.
And what does this message tell boys about girls? It tells them that girls are weak, that queer people are weak, and that queer guys are unmanly. It tells boys that masculinity is better than femininity. That being a girl is shameful and being “like a girl” when you are not a girl is even more shameful.
But all of this is untrue. A boy should get to decide what makes himself a man. Because softness and kindness is powerful, crying is good, asking for help is necessary, queer men are amazing, nerdy guys are great, and feminine men are awesome!
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