{TW: Abuse I apologise for anybody who may read this and experience discomfort, that’s not my intention at all}
Domestic abuse is pure poison, something so terrible that I could only wish that nobody would experience it. So in that retrospect, I can’t speak for those who have suffered physically at the hand of somebody else. But I do understand what it’s like to not be believed, for many to assume that you’re a liar, looking for nothing but attention and the intent to cause destruction.
Dealing with the aftermath of abuse is a lengthy process, I’m not sure if it’ll ever just be a distant memory. Whether it’s physical or in my case, emotional, it leaves many scars. With that thought in mind, I fail to understand why people wish to proceed with the idea that every claim is false, as though being abused is just a mere joke. With cases of abuse coming to light with the connection of celebrities such as Johnny Depp, topics such as sexuality and income seem like fair targets, even though they are irrelevant. Daily Mail, a British tabloid, even had a problem with Amber Heard smiling after meeting with her lawyers. Can’t be having victims of abuse enjoying life now, can we?
I’ve had many comments given over the way I present myself after breaking from the chains of manipulation, that I don’t fit the desired ‘victim of abuse’ portrayal. It’s things like that which prevent many from speaking up or feeling comfortable with doing day to day things, people passing judgement thinking that leaving that kind of situation is easy, without any thoughts for the repercussions. In cases like Heard’s, as it involves somebody who is loved globally, one of the main themes that runs through is jealousy. Jealous of the abuser’s wealth, his career, his fans. When these allegations are made, the victim is looking out for support, to put them back into a vulnerable cage is exactly the kind of response they don’t need.
In most cases, the abuser is somebody close. It could be a partner, a friend, a parent. These kind of relationships are not easy to branch off from, never mind outing the situation. We get many giving their own analysis and what they say they would do if they were in that position. But that’s the thing, you’re not in that position are you? Things are easier said than done when you’re on the outside.
From a personal aspect; I was convinced that nobody would believe me when I finally spoke up. As we were in a mutual friendship group at the time, a persona was put on and I thought nobody would see through it. Being called a number of names and manipulated into the form of behaviour they considered acceptable made my confidence disappear very quickly and played all sorts of tricks on my mentality at the time. It took me a while to admit what was going on and of course I wish I’d have done it sooner, it has however made me the person I am today. I won’t thank them, they tried to form me into something I’m not but they didn’t succeed.
With everything I’ve now said hopefully coming across, maybe people will realise it’s empathy that victims of abuse need, not to be told what we should do. Our lives aren’t for you to analyse, neither are they for you to demean.
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