Friendships believe it or not, are sometimes stronger than family bonds. Many people can attest to this for multiple reasons – dysfunctional families, communication problems among other things. I personally can relate to this but not because there’s a problem with my family, I just find myself spending more time and venting about personal things to my best friend.
Coming across good friends is not an easy thing but finding toxic people seems to be facile.
It takes two to tango, just as it takes two to make any relationship work whether it’s platonic or romantic. The second that bond becomes unbalanced, that friendship starts to roll downhill.
I was determined to make it a point that everyone coming across this article, can acknowledge whether or not they are in a toxic relationships so I decided to make a list.
1. Your problems don’t matter.
You could listen to them all day, talking about their problem and how their life is crumbling apart. When it comes to your issues though, they don’t have time or they simply zone out because they don’t care.
2. You can’t openly talk to them.
You shouldn’t be scared to stand your ground and put your friends in their place if you feel like they’re affecting you or others negatively. There needs to be an open communication for both of you. It’s okay to discuss the problems you’re having with each other healthily but when in a toxic relationship, that is almost impossible.
3. You don’t have a voice.
No means no. You do not have to do things that you don’t feel like doing just because your “friend” is making you. It is okay to not do every single thing together. If they like drinking and you don’t, you don’t have to follow their lead even if they start pressuring you. Good friends will acknowledge that and won’t put you in a place where you have to choose between being forced to do something or being their friend.
4. You are stressed out because of them.
Going along with the first point, listening constantly to other people’s problems can be extremely detrimental to your mental state. This feeling of distress is even worse when there is an emotional bond. It is okay to empathize with them but when their problems start taking a toll on your life, then you can be assured that there is a problem in that relationship.
5. Your secrets are no longer secrets.
Somehow your late night “only for your ears” conversations start getting leaked to the rest of your friendship circle. That is not okay. Your friend is now crossing the line and betraying your trust. You may not think it to be a big deal because maybe what was said was not important but this is only a warning sign. If this person is sharing private information now, what’s going to stop them when the secret becomes something more serious?
At the end of the day, you must value yourself. If you feel vulnerable or helpless in any kind of relationship, it is okay to distance yourself. It is for your own good and probably for the good of the other person.
Do it for yourself.
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