Sexuality is an endless spectrum that is open to interpretation regarding one’s romantic and sexual attractions. Everyone is open to express their sexuality whether it be straight, gay, asexual, and anything in between. Sexual orientation is also something that can be very private or very out in the open depending on the person. Not everyone is completely comfortable disclosing such information, and that’s okay. Just like you may not want to talk about your family history or your personal life, it is perfectly reasonable for someone to not want to speak openly about their sexuality. It is also in no way disrespectful for a person to refuse to answer questions about their sexuality.
The problem about asking someone questions regarding their sexuality is the fact that so often, these questions come off as condescending and intrusive. Most of the time these questions are purely out of curiosity and in no manner meant to be rude, but because sexuality is a topic people are reluctant to talk about, it’s somewhat violating to be bombarded with questions such as “do you like girls or boys?” and “who have you come out to?” It isn’t your right to know my sexuality, just like it isn’t your right to know my mother’s maiden name.
Another problem is when people who don’t identify as heterosexual do come out to family or friends, they are told that the family member/friend needs time to process it, and “coming out effects more than just the person actually coming out.” The coming out process is something that only affects the person coming out and has no impact on those around them. If a person chooses to be open with their sexual orientation, it is not an opportunity for those around them to make it about them and their own opinions.
Forming an idea of your sexuality is something that everyone does at some point in their lives, and while it does not define someone, it’s an important part of their identity as a person. In society, if anyone deviates from the so-called “norm”, people are quick to judge and stigmatize the things that are different or unfamiliar and this stigma is harmful and is something that can contribute to a person’s reluctance to discuss sexual orientation. Sexuality is topic that is not as commonly talked about and it needs to no longer be viewed as “taboo” to be anything other than heterosexual. We can’t expect people to be open about themselves if we are unwilling to accept them. Regardless of how accepting or understanding you may be, someone’s sexuality is completely confidential and is solely between a person and maybe their partner(s). There is nothing you can do to force or convince someone to share such personal information with you if it’s something they’d rather withhold.
While sexuality is something anyone and everyone should be able to freely express and take pride in, it is also something that someone can choose to keep to themselves for whatever reason, whether it be for privacy reasons or just because they aren’t ready to be completely confident with their sexual orientation. So be respectful of peoples’ decisions of when they want to disclose their sexuality, because remember, you’re not entitled to know it.
