I am a third culture kid. The term third culture kid by definition is a child who is raised in a culture outside of their parents’ culture. I consider Hong Kong to be my first home because I moved away from New Zealand when I was five years old. Third culture kids merge their birth culture with their adopted culture, creating their own: a third culture. I have intertwined these two cultures and built a relationship with both and I now have my own, a culture only third culture kids understand. When someone asks me where are you from I have two answers prepared, one short and one long. I constantly feel like I have to explain myself, thus I tweak my story in order to make my identity more palatable for others. From my perspective I cannot fully identify myself with the New Zealand culture and the Hong Kong culture, instead my life consisted of attending an international school, losing and gaining friends every year and consistent traveling. These cultures do not oppose each other even though they do have their differences, however they do create a middle ground for those that can identify with all three.
Third culture kids are faced with difficulties everyday, the only difference is they are not unexpected such as being asked the anxiety-induced question, “where are you from?”. For TCKs it is easier to move to a foreign country than it is to return to where they were born. In terms of my situation, I have lived away from New Zealand for fourteen years and I still feel like Hong Kong is my home because I grew up there and all my early memories are associated with Hong Kong. Culture shock is an everyday struggle when you move back to your “home country”. After returning to New Zealand to study at university there is the expectation for me to behave the same way and know the same things as they do. This is where are a sense of alienation forms. Challenges arise when I have to explain my situation in great amounts of depth. I can forget that the concept of living in a different country where your parents are not from is strange. Over time you do get use to the ridiculous comments such as “your English is really good considering you grew up in Asia”, “why don’t you sound Chinese?” or “are you fluent in mandarin?” when in fact the local language is Cantonese not mandarin. There is also the constant fear of coming across as a snob when explaining your lifestyle due to the tall poppy syndrome whereby you are criticized because you have had a different experience or you are considered “better off” than your peers.
I have grown up being accustomed to not understanding what is being said around me. I take the MTR (train) on a regular basis to travel throughout the city and I can manage just fine. However, it does boil down to feeling ostracized. The last seats to be taken on a train are generally the empty ones next to a foreigner. This is just how Hong Kong is regardless of it being multicultural and a world city.
Hong Kong is a very transient city, hence the transient expat culture. It is assumed expat kids or TCKs have the ability to make friends quickly. While this may be true it is only because it is necessary in a city like Hong Kong. However, this does not mean they cannot form deeper more meaningful relationships it just takes a lot longer to break down the defensive walls. When I began studying at university I did not struggle with talking to new people in my classes, if anything I find that easy. I have grown up with so many incredible opportunities such as traveling to Beijing to compete in Netball tournaments therefore I am always meeting new people. But because of the nature of Hong Kong you have to constantly make new friends. Going to an international school people come and go all the time and I now have friends that live in America, Australia, the UK and so on. It is a mental and emotional strain to have to always put effort into developing your friendships into deeper ones. However, it is true that TCKs really know the meaning of friendship because when you make a meaningful and deep connection with someone, the connection is even stronger and the relationship can last thousands of miles.
I will not adjust my views to suit others or adopt a different way of living. I will instead continue to live how I have always lived, I will make the effort to form friendships and share my stories of growing up in Hong Kong.
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