A while ago, I wrote an article about not being able to express my feelings out loud, and how that deeply affected my relationship with someone. It’s been a little bit over a month since that situation played out, and I can genuinely say that I’ve moved on.
How does it feel to move on, you ask? It feels damn good. In this past month, I’ve learned that the only way someone can be capable of developing a deep connection with someone else is by loving themselves first. And by love yourself, I mean more than looking in the mirror and being content with what you see. To truly love yourself means to be able to be amazed at your own intellect, to laugh at your own jokes, to enjoy spending time alone. I could go on and on with a list of ways to truly indulge in self love, but what I think it really boils down to is just having a desire to make progress in your life, and wanting to do that for your own self.
More importantly, you cannot try to develop a deep connection with someone who does not love themselves. It will only hurt you in the long run. Because what ends up happening is that you end up wanting better for that person than they want for themselves. You end up being the one that wants them to make strides in their personal growth more than actually want to make. You end up giving them everything you have in order to support them. You end up dedicating so much of your time to cleaning up their messes that you neglect to clean up your own. And while on the surface that seems like a genuine unconditional love you have for that other person, it’s not. It’s toxic. And you must let that go, and move on.
It took me a minute to really digest these realizations. Even now, it feels a little funny typing it all out. But at the same time it feels so good to see all of this put into cohesive sentences because it’s just reaffirming that I’ve moved on. I would say that unlike last time where at the end of the article I said I would be my biggest supporter, I’m actually content with that now. I see now that it just might not have been our time to be together. Hell, It might not ever be our time. And I’m truly ok with that because I know one day my prince charming will come. I’m not rushing it. As for my current relationship with the guy that I’m over, we’re cool. At this point, seeing him happy would make me happy, even if it was with another person. But, I’m no longer prioritizing his happiness over my own. It feels good to move on.
