It’s a beautiful Sunday afternooon to go shopping. You arrive to the nearby mall and spot little Timmy and his mom – they are grocery shopping as well. While Mom would spend her time browsing whatever goods she wants, Timmy has just spotted a $9.99 Wolverine toy on the Kid’s Section of the mall and wants it immediately, as every little boy naturally does. He grabs the toy, brings it to Mom, and asks, “Mom, can I have this?”
Mom, headstrong, refuses to buy Timmy the toy. After all, she’s already bought him five toys these past two weeks. However, Timmy really really wants it, and he’s not going to let Mom get in his way. Alas, Mom takes the toy from his hand once he begins making too much noise. Shortly after, trouble starts really brewing. Timmy really wanted that toy, and Mom just took it from, and now he unleashes every child’s ultimate weapon – the excruciating, incessant pain of whining and crying.
Timmy starts whining for a bit with pouted lips ad puppy eyes; Mom’s still not buying it. Timmy then starts increasing his noise level exponentially until half the shoppers in the mall can hear him.
“Timmy, please stop crying. Behave now, we’re in public.”
Mom attempts to reason with her child, but it’s no use. Timmy’s cries drain her out, Mom gets frustrated, and people start walking by with accusing glances, feeding guilt and self-consciousness. A few painful moments later, Mom begins to lose it.
“Timmy, alright, I’ll buy you the toy. Please stop crying.”
Miraculously, Timmy starts quieting down. Mom gives the toy back to Timmy, and a few moments later, to everybody’s relief, he’s finally back to normal. Mom checks out Timmy’s new toy with all her groceries at the cashier, and they leave the mall together. Timmy smiles in joy with his brand new toy.
We have all seen this before in our lives, whether we view the scene as a parent, sibling, friend, or even as a simple pedestrian. It’s a common, everyday thing that happens all the time.
Most people don’t realize that every time something like this happens, it’s one step towards endangering the parent and the outcome of who the child will grow to be.
I was raised in a household that taught me that I could get whatever I wanted by earning it. Although I had plenty of love and affection from my parents, they would seldom give me presents. I was no different form little TImmy – I was just as impulsive and I wanted everything that looked cool to me. But my parents wouldn’t buy it for me. Not because they were stingy or mean, but because there was nothing that made them believe I earned it. When I whined and cried like Timmy, they would turn their heads away and pretend not to hear. When I remained angry, they continued ignoring me.
But I still had my toys and gifts, just like Timmy. My parents did this by rewarding me every time I did something good. When I offered to clean the dishes out of pure boredom, my Mom gave me an Oreos pack when we finished. I started doing my homework and developed a healthy work ethic, and they would grand me a cookie every time. My parents told me every straight-A earned meant a video game of my choosing, and I worked for what I wanted most.
Ten years later, I’m grateful for the way my parents raised me because they shaped me into the ambitious, hardworking man I am today. They taught me that my wishes and goals were attainable if I had the right attitude and was willing to put in the effort to work for it. I learned how to be mature, responsible, self-willed and self-motivated. I learned never to beg anyone and to always work for what you want the most. That’s how life works.
Alas, not all parents are like mine, and many resembled Timmy’s mom. They give in to their child’s demands because they want their child to shut up and behave. But that’s simply not the case. Whenever you give your child a toy when he/she cries for it, you’re letting your child understand that crying is a means of attaining your goals.
Let’s analyze this scenario from Timmy’s perspective. Asking his Mom wasn’t enough to convince Mom to get the toy, so he cries. Then, miraculously, Mom’s mind changes and she gives Timmy the toy. So now, he’s discovered that crying can get him whatever toy he wants. This means that he’s going to cry again next time a similar circumstance happens. Timmy’s mom isn’t getting her child to “behave” – she’s reinforcing crybaby behavior.
Ironically, Timmy would be better off if Mom straight-up said yes to Timmy when he asked the first time, because at least Timmy would learn that rewards come by asking politely.
Whenever we give our children what they want when they cry, we’re teaching them that crying is the way to solve their problems. That means that, unless the parents don’t change their parenting soon, they’ll grow up believing that the world owes them everything. They’ll be the spoiled ones who spend their time complaining about their problems, yet lacking the initiative to take action and solving them directly, and this is because they were taught that whining is how to get things done.
To every parent, legal guardian, and elder sibling wherever you are, I urge you not to give into temptation Next time a child cries or makes a ruckus, ignore them. Don’t teach them that anger and tears and loud whiny noises is the way to get them a toy. And conversely, do reward them with presents every time they do something good and display positive behavior.
Parenting was never meant to be easy. But by being vigilant and careful, in the long run, you’ll only end up helping your child, and yourself.
